Health Screening

As part of Steve’s health insurance, we were required to have a health screening. I elected to have my screening done at his place of work. Here is how it went (and I think this is somewhat ethical for a person who has no training in ethics).

As I am sitting outside the conference room where the screenings were being performed, I chat with another wife of an employee. She tells me that her husband thinks a lot of Steve and enjoys the conversations they have. She says, “He is very good at reading lips.” She has never talked to him, but she knows he can read lips. I say, “He’s pretty good.” She asks me if we use ASL and I tell her we use Signed English. She explains that she took a class in Sign Language and it was ASL. Ok, so she and her husband are not totally unfamiliar with deaf people and their language.

A technician comes out to see who is next. It is suppose to be me. The lady in charge says, “She needs to wait for Steve because he is deaf and she has to interpret for him.” I am thinking, ‘I do?’

A bit later, another technician comes out and asks me if I am ready to come in for the screening. I say to her in a voice loud enough so Lady in Charge can hear, “They want me to interpret for Steve, so I guess I have to.” Lady in Charge says, “If you don’t interpret for him, we will all have to write notes.” I answer back, “There is nothing wrong with that!” The wife next to me nods her head in agreement.

Soon, Steve walks through the door from his work place. He tells me I don’t have to interpret. I tell him that they want me to interpret. He grimaces.

We walk in together. The lady technician, who wants to work on me, tells me that she and the male technician will do the both of us together. This way, Steve can watch what she is doing to me and he can follow along with his technician. I try to interpret this to Steve, but she proceeds to sit me down and work on me. I am thinking, “How do I interpret anything when she has my arm tied down and is pricking my finger?” Fortunately Male Technician is aware enough to see this. When Steve asks him what the blood test is for, he writes down the answers.

When the technicians are done playing with us, we wait outside the conference room for the results of the tests. Lady Technician has to prick my finger again because the blood in my middle finger has no LDL/HDL in it. She pricks my ring finger so now I have a Tasmanian Devil bandage on my middle finger and a Bugs Bunny bandage on my ring finger. The ring finger is successful!

The results of the test are in, so Lady Technician leads us into another conference room for a chat. She proceeds to rattle off the results and I am doing my best to interpret (and not doing well at all). Steve is frustrated. I tell the lady that this is hard to interpret. Usually I forget to put the question look on my face, but this time I have no problem with it. I ask him, “There sign for C O L?” I say cholesterol but don’t know how to spell it. He says there is not. (I am convinced he reads my mind.)

She tries to explain diet and exercise to us. She can see that I am unable to interpret for her fast enough so she says the one sentence that I hate more than any other, “You can explain this to him later.” (I did not say anything to her, but next time someone says this to me, I will respond with, “You are assuming I will remember what you are talking about.”)

I continue my attempts to interpret. Steve is firing a few questions at her. I am frustrated, but since I am trapped, I try to keep it upbeat. I sign to Steve without voicing, “No more kielbasa.” That was kind of mean because later I had to explain that she did not say that. I was teasing him.

She tells us we should go see a doctor. Steve says, “Doctors won’t explain anything. They just say, ‘Here, read this.’ and then take off.” She says she understands. “I get that.” She pauses and says, “I totally get that! But just because there are limitations, does not mean you are not important.” I am having trouble interpreting this to Steve. I am thinking to myself, ‘No, you do not get it. The lady out there does not get it. If you got it, you would not be doing what most hearing people do when they are confronted with a deaf person. You think he has limitations. You refuse to communicate with him directly. You are relying on his wife who is a lousy interpreter. You are expecting her to remember everything you’ve said so she can “explain it to him later”.” All I can do is look at her in disbelief.

I left the screening with even less desire to care about my health than I had before. Fortunately, I don’t think this screening will affect Steve’s ability to obtain health insurance from his employment. I might actually get to have LASIK surgery.