I put interpreting into quotes because I am using that term very loosely in this story. Put yourself in my shoes.
A service man comes to the house two hours earlier than scheduled to fix the water softener. You are trying to prepare lunch. You feel confident that your husband is capable of learning what is wrong with it, so you continue about your business in the kitchen. You can hear the two men as they mull over the softener. Your husband informs the man that he is deaf. The man starts explaining things to your husband as if he can hear. Since you have nine years experience, you know the man is not talking so that your husband is able to read his lips. Again you think, “Another hearing idiot.”
Your husband is intelligent enough about water softeners and plumbing to guess at most of what the man is saying, but he is talking too fast and probably has his head turned so your husband cannot see his face. You hear your husband say, “Let’s go talk to my wife.” Ugh! Now you think, “I should have left the house when I had a chance.”
They come into the kitchen, and your husband sits on the stool, staring at you while he waits for your interpretations. The service man says he needs your water so he can test it. (You are still trying to make a meal.) As he is digging out his testing supplies, he rattles on (to you, not to your husband) about what he is doing and explains it in detail. You think, “I don’t understand what you are talking about and I couldn’t care less.”
Your husband wants to know what the man is saying, so you try to sign it. Most of the words are technical so you have to fingerspell nearly everything. You tell the man, “It is very hard for me to interpret what you are saying.” So he kindly slows down …. a little bit. As he talks you say the words as you fingerspell them so he can know how slow you are at fingerspelling and interpreting. Does this get him to slow down? Of course not.
In the meantime, your meal is still cooking. The service man backs into the stove, turning the burner dial on full blast. Your meal is boiling over. He is so engrossed in letting you know how intelligent he is that he doesn’t notice until you push him away from the stove. He says, “Oh! I was wondering why my butt was getting hot.”
He continues rattling on about the hardness of your water and you continue to interpret to your husband to the best of your “ability” (again using that word very loosely). You feel your insides churning with frustration. You again tell the service man and your husband that you are not able to interpret what this man is saying. Does anyone care? Maybe you are not firm enough. Maybe you have to leave the room and have people think you are being rude. You choose to stay and allow them to feel comfortable while you are ready to push both of them out the door.
You are so frustrated by this time, you cannot think at all. You are now a robot or a transmission line, listening to the service man and signing the words to your husband. The salesman gives you final instructions on how to regenerate the softener. These instructions are to be transmitted to your husband. He is ready to leave, but your husband asks the man to show him how to regenerate the softener. The salesman says, “He wants me to show him how to regen the softener, so I will do that before I leave.” as if he is doing some charitable deed.
After he leaves, you sign to your husband, “I hate interpreting.”
In the end you feel you have to write a blog post about your experience so you don’t explode, and to make people aware (anyone interested enough to read your post that is) that knowing a few signs does NOT make a person an interpreter. That’s why we have laws. Certainly a qualified interpreter cannot be around 24/7, but it is especially important to not push a deaf/hearing marriage (or any family member) relationship into a interpreter/client relationship.
Filed under: Deaf/Hearing Relationship, Signer vs. Interpreter
Hearing family have carried the Deaf for too long it seems to me. Deaf people have rights now and they should be demanding it, not relying on Family all the time. Hearing family can help by contacting the official support services to for the job and NOT do it for them, since it is then catch 22.
Deaf have to understand to get the proper interpreting done, get a proper interpreter ! Far too often family are NOT up to the interpreting job, and take too many short cuts, take the decisions because it is ‘quicker and easier’ and that also undermines the deaf too.
If you want to help hubby tell him where the official support is, and get him to use them. It may well be he is not really aware what a strain this can put on a partner, or, a partner has talked his or herself into permanent job of interpreting.
DON’T DO IT, you do not do hubby a favor in the long run, how will he attain any form of Independence, when he has simply switched from official help to you ? Once you start you make a rod for your own back, it starts and you both feel this is great we are helping each other, then it ends up a chore and you can get out of your depth…. What happens if you are ill ? you cannot do it ? He has alternatives, they should be used ALL the time.
I’ve done blogs on this for years in the UK, because I see deaf people daily doing themselves out of the very access they demand, by not taking it, and the service provision encouraging family to do it, because then, they do not have to pay for it, get WISE ! This defeats DEMAND, and DEMAND gets provision established.
Really speaking at the start of any relationship with deaf and hearing, communication onus should be clearly established. Once you start it can clearly if left,become your duty, do you want this ? can you cope with it ? Have you the skills ?
Just because you can communicate to hubby does NOT mean you can interpret…. I’ve met too many hearing people who feel they can and this creates problems for deaf who believe they can and they can’t.
Thanks MM. The answer to your questions, do you want this? Can you cope? Have you the skills? is no to all three questions. Finding an interpreter out here in the sticks where we live is nearly impossible even when you are able to give advanced notice. I am not sure how to obtain support service when a repair man comes to the house.
Well, you won’t get support for this type of non-essential ‘visit’, all you can do is suggest to the caller they could address the deaf person at all times, write things down if necessary, although I know a lot won’t bother because you are there, they will take the avenue of least bother.
When an unkown caller comes to my house there is no-one to interpret, so I have to get in there pitching, I find mostly people are willing to try. First and foremost perhaps contact the engineer and tell them as a CUSTOMER (Which your hubby is), he would appreciate more detailed support when interacting with them.
Hearing partners perhaps can raise deaf awareness a lot better this way, sadly a lot of deaf take things for granted and expect hearing to oblige, then complain if they don’t, so the message really is for deaf to wake up to the realities as well as playing fair with hearing partners and family.
A marriage or long term relationship has to stand and fall by equal contribution by partners, there can be issues if it is all one way, or one partner feels like a 24hr social worker in the home, and has to carry the communication burden unequally. I’d never use my deafness as a cop-out. I’ve had flak in the UK for suggesting deaf people are not pulling their weight in that respect, but I feel it has to be said.
Mainly because we have so many new advances and laws to enable the deaf, it seems wrong there is a hard core who just use that access to talk to other deaf and STILL leave the primary communications with the systems to everyone else. I feel mostly the family are still carrying the communication for deaf and this WILL affect further support later on by diminishing the demand.
Some deaf are LAZY in fact, it has to be said, and a lot of hearing family are lifiting their eyes to the sky and thinking, Oh God, I’ll have to sort this out again…. Sit down, make hubby do some work ! The first step is the hardest, but it gets easier once you start walking.
I do not want to give the impression that my husband always relies on me. That is not true, especially now that we have become more involved in the Deaf Community. That involvement is the best thing we have done for each other.
I am sure my explosive post is a result of nine years of frustration building up. You get to a point where you never want to talk to another hearing person, and that feeling is rather odd when you are a hearing person yourself.
I am losing my mind. If I had been able to think while the service man was here, maybe I could have handled the situation better.
Steve and I discussed it. He is suppose to be receiving a mobile video phone soon. We are thinking that the VRS could be used in almost any situation where the hearing person has access to a telephone. Home repair technicians have cell phones. Use the qualified VRS interpreter rather than a family member. I think it would work.
It is surprising the number of deaf people who need awareness raised on what is out there. I’m sure hubby must feel awkward he relies on you too. I think perhaps this is where hearing family can be the most help, in pointing their partners to where the support is, and then standing back a bit. You get into a habit, it is then difficult to break it… and resentment can set in, which I am sure no-one wants.
Mobiles are great, I text people all the time they don’t have any problem with it usually. I just state “I am deaf so…” and then they text me whenever mostly. I e-mail Dr’s, Fax etc arrange support I might need if I have to be somewhere, it is mainly in official situations education, hospitals, police etc, but have expanded on that to include my SKY engineer who will respond to texts no problem and the plumber, and other family who don’t sign at all, every day the world gets a bit bigger, and I have never used my hearing child to help either ! it can be done…
You have to start as you mean to go on, obviously there will be incidences where you are stuck, then no-one minds if family puts in, but I keep mine sweet (!) by not asking all that much ! We want hubby online !
Of course I wouldn’t infer he wasn’t trying sorry, I was responding to your frustration.
Or you could just explain to your husband how to tape up the service man’s mouth, give them a pen and make them write things down. Hubby might prefer ASL, but if it’s all technical stuff, it doesn’t matter. Plus you can use the notes in court.
I once luckily had a whistle when the cable guy came to visit; every time the cable guy started to talk i reminded him to write by blowing the whistle. (Yes, I was still hoarse by the time he was done… hearing people are wonderful folks but seem to have steep learning curves sometimes.)
I also once had a client who insisted his phone dealer write down all their claims – guess what – he wound up saving $50 a bill after the dealer made some erroneous claims!
Just a thought
[...] What I Hate About “Interpreting” [...]
If you are interpreting out of fear of offending your friends, then you are not doing it for the right reason, and you will soon become burned out. You must decide to either interpret because you enjoy doing this for them, or allow your friends the opportunity to learn how to communicate when you are not around. Do a little of both when you are around (read my latest post about VRS interpreters) and have fun. I think you will find that everyone, including yourself, will have a much more enjoyable adventure.