Steve and I are no longer members of the Deaf ward (congregation). It is a long story that I won’t get into on this blog, but I will say I am not happy about it. Even though I could not understand half of the people in the ward, I felt their warmth and love.
The LDS Church has the concept of Telestial, Terrestial, and Celestial Kingdoms, Telestial being the world in which we now live, Terrestial being a higher level existence, and Celestial being the world in which our Heavenly Father lives. The Deaf have a concept of the planet Eyeth where all communication is visual. I have often thought of Eyeth and the Terrestial Kingdom as being similar; in essence, Sign Language is a higher level of communication than talking and hearing. Fortunately, the highest level of communication through prayer and the Spirit is available to all of us if we have the faith to use it.
I feel as if I experienced the Terrestial world, in part, in the Deaf ward. Now I have been yanked back into the Telestial world where ignorance about Sign Language is abundant. I confront this ignorance nearly every day when people think I am able to interpret for Steve. I am married to him, I know some signs; therefore, I must and should be able to interpret for him. For some people, it is very hard to change their minds, and these are the same people who have no desire to learn — to raise their hand to fingerspell a single letter.
Steve is fortunate to have one wonderful lady, same age as I, who volunteered to interpret for him in a hearing ward within our Stake boundaries. She is the only person in the Stake, as far as I know, who is willing and able to do this. Last Sunday Karen informed me that one person in her ward asked her if she is married to Steve. She said several people at our local supermarket where she works, asked her if she is married to him. I suppose I can understand people at the supermarket being confused, but how can anyone in the ward think that when I am sitting next to my husband, and Karen’s husband and kids are sitting in front of us? I guess this person thought I was married to Karen’s husband and Karen was married to Steve because she was interpreting for him.
I told this to Steve and he said we need two T-shirts, one for me that says, “Interpreter Not” “Married to Steve”, and one for Karen that says, “Interpreter” “Married to Steve Not”. Later he said if he has a male interpreter in church, he can introduce him as his gay lover. Funny, yes. Does this make me want to go to a hearing church? No.
My question is, is the ignorance I confront limited to my local community here in Utah, or is this universal ignorance? If it is limited to this community, I think I will move.
Filed under: Deaf in a Hearing Church, Sign Language
People look for simple answers. When I had a female interpreter at times, people would try to figure out our relationship and sometimes asked if I was her mother! The concept of a professional, arms-length relationship is not easily arrived at.
The core of the problem lies within Utah’s very own culture. I know because my relatives are from Utah. They all left Utah for one simple reason… to get out of gossipville culture. I lived there for one year and got out as soon as I realized what my relatives tried to warn me about. There might be an universal ignorance out there but it’s definitely a culture in Utah. I’m glad I don’t live there any longer.
I’m a member of the church, by the way, and can safely tell you that ignorance did not exist else where outside of Utah. If that does not convince you… let me tell you that we moved over 30 times in 20 years. Utah and their so-called culture was the worst part.
Do you mean ignorance about Sign Language and Deaf culture did not exist elsewhere (or at least not as clueless)?
Not saying that. Just making a reference to LDS culture in Utah.
Unfortunately, most of my “clashes” between Deaf and hearing cultures occur within the LDS church. That should be understandable since most of my daily experiences are with members of the Church. But as I said in this post, and in other blog entries, people who are not members of our wards and may not be members of the Church are just as ignorant as some of the people in the wards.
I believe that ignorance about Sign Language and Deaf Culture has nothing to do with LDS culture. People in Utah may be more ignorant because the Deaf Community is not as big and not as public as in other areas. This is especially true in the community where I live. Steve is the only signing deaf person, as far as I know, in this community. Plus, he talks and people assume I will interpret (whatever that means in their heads), so they see no reason to learn Sign Language.
We should probably move, not because of LDS culture, but because we need to be closer to the Deaf Community.
Ha. Aint that the way.
I am also married to a deaf man, am an interpreter and I am also LDS.
I think most people honestly don’t know. Their experience is ZERO. We live in our world, so sometimes what seems silly is just their lack of knowledge. I don’t think it’s because they are stupid. I think the LDS culture is very friendly and so they want you to feel welcome or whatever. I was impressed the peeps at the store remembered the interpreter’s face. Impressive!!
Anywho, you should check out my blog. I have a weekly series about some of the experiences I encounter being married to a deaf man. You might get a kick out of it!
Stef, your blog is great and funny! Thank you for posting.
By the way, the word “ignorant” is often confused with the word “stupid”. Those two words are not synonymous. Ignorant does not mean stupid.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ignorant
Unfortunately you’re right. It is a universal ignorance. I cannot tell you how many people I’ve tried to educate. But, really, why do they want to retain this information if they have no reason? Sometimes people, especially men want to fix everything, it’s usually not a solution to get everyone a hearing aid or a cochlear implant. If reading gospel material were enough, we wouldn’t need to meet each Sunday. It is on-going battle, and one that will never be resolved, I’m afraid. You are not alone, that’s for sure. On the bright side, some people get it and make changes!!